No Regrets
I just deleted a post I’ve been working on for awhile. It was a post detailing the various reasons for my lack of blogging lately. None of it really matters other than to say that I think that my life is about to transition into the next chapter.
Some news broke my heart today. I sat at work crying for the loss my friends are facing right now. The thought was overwhelming, and I wasn’t even going through it. Everything I was trying to vocalize in the post I deleted suddenly became so clear. Life is too short not live it. We are not guaranteed a long life. We are not even guaranteed tomorrow. I asked myself, if I died today, would I be proud of the life I have led? Would I be proud of the way I spent my time? Would I wish I had done something differently? There are many things in my life that I’m proud of and only a few that I regret. The conclusion I came to was that moving forward, I need to live. Really live. To seek out the things I’ve dreamt of since I was a kid. To do all the things I’m curious about. I don’t want to live off the crumbs of the things I’ve already done. I want to keep doing new and interesting things. I want to be able to look back at my life when I am on my way out and smile. Smile that I spent time with my husband, whom I was fortunate enough to meet early on in life. Smile that I didn’t let me fear of failure keep me tied to an ergonimically correct desk chair my whole life. Smile that I took risks. Smile that I took the advice I give to so many people: live like there is nothing holding you back. No money? Find a way! No time? Make it! No clue where to begin? It’s all about putting one foot in front of the other.
My focus for the past six months or so has been on starting my soap company. It’s been fun and there are so many elements of it that I enjoy… BUT… I asked myself last night what I would do if I knew I only had five years to do it? If at the five year mark, all I really had were my memories. Would I put all my time and money into building my soap company? Would I quit that and put more effort into my job? Would I quit working entirely? I decided that what I would want to make kick ass memories. I’d want to go see Australia and the Pyramids. I’d want to go down in a shark cage (no one can tell if you wet yourself right?!?). I’d want to hike the Andes. I’d want to dance and dance and dance. For whatever reason, all those things are important to me. I want to see everything. Touch everything. Taste everything. Smell almost everything. Nothing else matters, except fear, apparently. Fear keeps me from doing so many things. There is no sense wasting what precious little time we have on this earth doing things that we don’t really care about. Or things that society deems appropriate. We have to carve out our own way. Be ourselves. I believe that is what brings joy. And that is what I’m hoping to find.
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